Kissing 101: "Can I Kiss You?"

Saturday night, I’m alone in my living room with the telly all to myself with ‘Honey’ playing in the background. I thought the story is very typical – down and out but talented girl getting a taste fame and gets burned; goes back to her roots and gets her priorities straight to emerge as a local hero to find fame the second time around on her own terms. There was one scene that stuck to me though – the part wherein the barber shop owner kissed Jessica Alba’s character.

Let me explain to you why…

A couple of weeks ago Hannah, myself and another co-worker (I forgot who it was. Should I be worried that my memory’s this bad when I haven’t even hit the mid-20’s range? I’m scared, this might the side effects of one too many Valium and weed :\ Going back to the subject…) were having one of those talks during a merienda break at work. I don’t really remember where we started but it ended up on the topic that I just described on the first paragraph.

Hannah said something to this effect – ‘A guy that asks permission to kiss me just turns me off.’ I was just very introspective shortly after the Goddess/Panginoon Hannah let out that statement. That little scenario happened to me twice on two separate occasions – once with Gilbert and more recently, with Kim.

At that particular time that I was with these two, I thought that it was pretty sweet of them since after all it seemed very respectful of them to do so – to test my boundaries first. Gilbert, I just met him a couple of days earlier. Kim, he was my friend alright but I don’t know him that well. In addition, it’s been ages since I last heard from or seen the guy so it felt a little bit like starting from scratch even though we both shared this crazy, memorable trip back in college.

Looking back, Hannah’s absofuckolutely and bloody hell right. I mean, think about it – you’re both in THAT pose. Yes, that unmistakable pose wherein you’re facing each other, your eyes meet at just the right time and your faces are about one baby step away from each other. He asks you that question and then suddenly it feels very anti-climatic. There’s that momentum going on in there and it just flat out drops so low you could well be six feet under. If you have romantic thoughts fluttering around in your pretty, little head, it goes kaput in an instant and the idealized sequence of events are ruined forever.

Second point is that they seem like sissies now. Are they man enough to take charge of the situation? Were they even born with a ball or two? I may be a willful, no nonsense, tough as nails, headstrong and independent woman but the operative word is still WOMAN. Somehow, somewhere at the back of my mind, the picture of a guy sweeping me off of my feet is still in there. You just have to take a closer look.

Girls, I hope you enjoyed my little rant. Guys, just suck it up and take a chance. Sometimes, a girl just needs to have her fantasies fulfilled.

Closet Queen

I happened to tune in to Myx just now and found that they have a special on the Backstreet Boys. They were in town last Friday for a concert which I didn’t go to, by the way. I think I’m going to finish watching this special just for the heck of it.

I have two insights about the whole thing: the first one would be that I can’t believe how old I am. I’m only twenty two and yet the whole thing makes me feel like it was a lifetime ago. Second was that I was really pathetic during most of my teenage years. I was probably the most annoying teenybopper on the face of the earth. Just ask my mom, my dad and my sisters. This was fueled by my fanaticism over a certain boyband that I mentioned above. Don’t even get me started on how crazy I was over them at that time. Trust me, you don’t want to know.

Mid-December of last year, Gerlie, my old friend from high school and college, sent me a text message out of the blue. It said that the Backstreet Boys are going to have a concert by the 20th of January. She said she really wanted to go with me but honestly, I couldn’t care less. If that happened ten year ago then I would’ve said yes without batting an eyelash. Maniacal screams mandatory. For a brief moment, I was in shock and disbelief that after all this time, she’s still a big fan as the Gerlie I knew wayback when.

My initial thoughts were why now that they’re considered by many in the music industry as has beens. They couldn’t get gigs in Europe and in the States that they’re finally tapping into the places that they’ve ignored during the height of their fame? Maybe it’s just the jaded, sarcastic me. But then again, it maybe the product of my growing up and my outgrowing that particular chapter of my life.

Speaking of has-been musicians arriving in the country, that’s the big trend that I’ve noticed over the last couple of years – Boyz II Men, a lot of ‘50’s, ‘60’s, ‘70’s groups and solo acts. The most recent one would be Pat Upton and The Lettermen. What is up with that?

Best Laid Plan Gone Wrong

Yesterday was Martin's birthday and I kinda had a little surprise in store for him. Unfortunately, things didn't quite work out as planned. I was supposed to call him around 7 am (his time zone), maybe even be his wake up call but that didn't happen. Why, you may ask? I left my phone at home :(

It's all my fault, actually. I was in a street corner waiting for the FX to take me to Cubao when I thought of taking a peek inside my bag for my phone. I thought I saw it and didn't take notice. When I did take a closer look, I found out that my eyes deceived me. At first I thought that it's okay and that it might be a sign of some sorts that something bad's going to happen or something (so I'm a bit superstitious). Only when I got to the office did I remember about my little surprise!

To top things off, there was a little mayhem in the office. Mike was supposed to have a meeting with one of our clients in his office in the Jordanian Consulate but he wasn't able to make it due to his falling ill the previous night. The client was already in the Jordanian Consulate and nobody was attending to them. 'Sacre bleu!' I was practically stuck on the phone for about half an hour or so trying to coordinate the rescheduling of the meeting for today.

I was tempted to go home during lunch break to grab my phone since I planned to call Martin by 2 pm in here. But then, I decided otherwise because it'd take me 3 hours to go from the office to my house and vice versa. I already had a major screw up yesterday (it slipped out of my mind that somebody was supposed to see me by 9 am and I wasn't able to arrive in the office until around noontime) and didn't want to commit another today for fear of being reprimanded or penalized by my other boss - Sir Arnold.

I resolved the issue by going home early - leaving the office around 5 pm so that I'll be home by 7 since it'll still be noontime over in Mainz.

I finally called Martin's cellular phone and there's no answer. I settled for leaving a message in his voicemail and felt a little stupid. I didn't really know what to say and caused me to stutter a bit. I mean, after all I was expecting to talk to Martin and not some pre-recorded message. Afterwards, I went about my business.

I was chatting with Ian and we were discussing his plans to move to Manila when I got a text message from Martin - "Hi Sweetie!Thank you for calling me!Was in university,the Prof tried to kill me!:)..."

My immediate reaction was "What the fuck have I done?!?"

I seriously thought he was at work taking his lunch break. I didn't remember until minutes later that Martin only goes to work during Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

"I can't believe I just got him into trouble! Of all the days to do that, it just had to be his birthday."

I called Martin again but this time, though, I finally got to talk to him. I just couldn't stop apologizing profusely to him during the first 30 seconds of the conversation. I was quite relieved to find out that even though his professor disliked cell phones going off in class, Martin didn't get into serious trouble.

I'm crossing my fingers that the e-card I sent him hours earlier made up for that little fiasco :D

Babbling To Myself

I'm just so bored - my life is full of random nothingness over the past couple of weeks. I feel like hyperventilating a bit since I'm set to deliver my Speech Project number two for my Toastmasters Club meeting this coming Thursday and I'm still in shambles on what I'm supposed to do. I have written something down and I'm just about halfway through with it but I have this nagging suspicion that something's wrong with it and I just can't put my finger on what it is exactly. At least I have all bases covered when I take over the Table Topics Master. I'm so very relieved about that. I'm just crossing my fingers that the others would think it creative.

I wasn't able to post last week because I wasn't really in the mood for it but this was what I wrote:

Everything’s okay in my world again. I fretted over nothing – just my paranoia and my insecurities. Probably it’s because nothing much is happening to me these days. You know, that old saying wherein idle hands are the devil’s playground. Not that I believe in devils, mind you. Maybe I just have way too much time on my hands that I start torturing myself with a lot of what ifs on things that are uncertain or things that I don’t know about. This is one annoying habit that I have to curtail.

What if this isn’t just a habit? What if it’s part of my personality? I suddenly remembered the old mystic that my dad brought home several years ago. I couldn’t recall the exact words that she used but what I do remember was that she told me that I am very inquisitive by nature. Maybe that’s why I question everything.

Enough with the babbling already.

:D

Sweetie, guess what? I think I might have found what I was looking for ;p
Happy birthday!

The Idiots in Government

Me and my mom were seething when we both came in our respective offices this morning. We had been waiting in line for an hour and a half for the shuttle vehicles that goes straight to Makati. When we first got to the shuttle station a couple of blocks from our house, the long was so long that it would need at least 5 shuttle vehicles (each vehicle holds up to 14 individuals) to accommodate everybody.

Both my mom and I were bewildered about what could’ve caused such major delays. Makati’s too far to be affected by the traffic rerouting scheme that they were implementing in Quiapo for the Feast of the Black Nazarene. What the hell’s happening?!?

It was only later on did we find out about what caused the incident this morning – an idiot named Bautista from the Traffic Management Group of the LTFRB issued a directive that all shuttle vehicles be in white. When did the issue the directive? Oh sometime last week. What about the time for implementation? This morning which is absolutely stupid on the LTFRB’s part. It would’ve been fine if they gave them enough time to make the necessary changes and as well as time for the drivers to save up for the expenses of changing the color of their vehicles.

Their moronic directive entailed that drivers who does not follow it would have to have their vehicles impounded. The drivers of these shuttle vehicles are either too scared to get caught and be charged with a hefty fine or they’ve already been caught causing a huge deficit of vehicles compared to the number of passengers.

Way to go you nincompoops! Who’s suffering now? Certainly not your very comfortable toushies. It’s an absolute lose-lose situation for both the passengers and the shuttle drivers/operators – it’s hard to get to work on time for commuters like me while the others lose their income. Whoever put that imbecile on top aught to shoot their brains out.

Some Sort of A Crossroad

It's 2006 already and there's just a lot of things in my head right now. A new year is symbolic of being a tabularasa. Or it could be the other way around - you're stuck in the middle between the sweeping changes of the year that was and the year that it will be.

I feel a little of both. I'm certainly hopeful enough for a brighter future and a better me. I've already made my New Year's resolution and I'm slowly starting to try sticking to it. Nothing fancy or radically life changing - just the affirmation that I will start to eat healthier. That means lowering my intake of carbonated beverages and going back to my old work-out routine.

For the latter, read on...

Let’s start with December 30th. I hung out with my college friend Kim in Robinson’s Galleria. It’s been ages since I last saw that guy – prolly a year ago during Lance’s baptism (he’s the son of Racqs, one of my best friends during college) and he’s still boyishly cute. We thought about seeing a movie when I remembered that the Manila Film Festival is currently on going. Just for kicks, we decided to watch Jose Javier Reyes’ ‘Kutob.’

I hated the film right after the scene where the fortune teller foretold nothing but doom to the movies’ main characters. They showed a lot of the Death, Devil, The Hanged Man and the 10 of Swords. I read Tarot Cards and I am just outraged by the propagation of the negative stereotype against the art of Tarot Card reading. For those who would like to protest, I absolutely get the fact that that sequence of events help bolster the plot but for crying out loud, they violated a couple of Psychic Laws!

First one would be to interpret the cards in the most positive light possible. Why is that? More than anything, negativity sticks to the mind the most. If you tell someone that s/he will die, their minds would be focused on only that part of the reading. The mind is such a powerful thing, it is very much capable of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Death doesn’t mean just physical mortality but also the symbolic demise of ideas or things that don’t prove useful to you anymore. It tells the person to shed even negative feelings and excess baggage in order to start life anew.

The Devil is representative of one person’s shadow aspects – simply put, negative traits. Everybody has them since nobody’s perfect. What The Devil is trying to say is for a person to acknowledge that yes, it may be undesirable, but still the shadow traits are a part of your personality.

The Hanged Man, at first glance, looks as if the guy’s in a state of limbo. Quite the contrary actually, the halo around his head represents that he is tapping into wisdom and knowledge from the Powers That Be. He may look like he’s in an uncomfortable position being upside down and all but he also represents seeing things from a different perspective.

The 10 of Swords shows a man lying on the ground with 10 swords stuck on his back while the earth underneath him is soaked in his blood. Just like the Death card, the argument that one will perish soon or encounter an accident is very non sequitur. The true meaning of the 10 of Swords is recognizing that one’s state of mind might be fixated on living up to the ‘Victim persona.’

The second Psychic Law that has been broken – once you open an issue, make sure that you close it. The fortune teller in the movie just gave the main characters dire warnings of what’s in store for them. Should she have explained to them in detail what she saw in the cards, the characters would’ve been able to make wise decisions.

As the movie progressed, I forgot all about my irritation with the atrocity that the movie committed against the art of Tarot Card reading. I was taken aback when Kim tilted his face near mine and asked me if he could kiss me. I said ‘no’ and immediately turned my head towards the screen. It took me a while before I was able to answer his follow up question of ‘why?’ I told him that I’m already with someone and it just felt awkward from that point on.

When Kim asked me out, I assumed that it was a friendly get together. I guess he was assuming that it was a date. And he never asked if I have a boyfriend or not. I have a lot of guy friends and I’ve always been the touchy feely type of person. Could he have mistaken it for affection?

I would’ve loved to kiss him – if it happened 5 years ago. I had a crush on him but he was interested in someone else. A lot of things have happened to me over the last couple of years and that just changed everything. I’ve been with boys all my life and had been burned by them one too many times. If I could borrow a line from the Spice Girls’ song ‘Too Much’ - “I need a man not a boy who thinks he can.”

Also at the back of my mind – “What if I misconstrued Martin’s terminology of us being ‘in a relationship’?” That it’s merely friendship and not couplesville. Some of our correspondences are in Deutsch. I haven’t mastered the language yet and there are certainly a lot of underlying nuances that I don’t know yet. I mean, try searching for the word boyfriend/girlfriend (significant other) in Deutch and you get Freund/Freundin which carries the same meaning as ‘a friend who happens to be a boy/girl.’

I never really seriously questioned what the phrase ‘in a relationship’ means. That is, until now. I tried to clear it up with him right after I read what he wrote on our correspondence a couple of months back but nothing came of it. It just confused me even further what with a little language barrier. A couple of e-mails later, he started the practice of calling me with a term for endearment. The term of endearment in question is something that I use with my really close friends like the girls.

I became a tad bit paranoid all of a sudden since LDR (long distance relationships) don’t operate under the same rules as regular relationships. ‘What if I’m holding out for nothing all because of a wrong assumption?’ I’m much too afraid of what my karmic repercussions would be for cheating so I look but never act on it. If I did, would it even be considered cheating? I’m very much like a lawyer (I actually want to become one) – terms would have to be explained to me in detail just to be sure. I certainly don’t want to be caught in the middle or be in a compromising position. That’s what I feel like right now with ‘in a relationship.’

Just in this morning – ex-girlfriend (ex-significant other) Dani’s back in town and it looks like it’s FOR GOOD. Should I feel threatened?

Filler: My co-worker Angel asked me to help her set up her blog a couple of days ago. Now, she understands why I'm addicted to it. She's hooked into the whole writing your heart and mind out that she's resolved to create a new post everyday.

I'll write about what happened to me on the financial front on a later post. This post is too long already.