Attack of the Blues

I'm not sure what's up with my mood nowadays - if it's the effect of the pills I'm taking or if it’s the chaotic collision that I call my life. I want to get away from this place. I want to go to somewhere as far as possible and figure out what’s wrong with me. Maybe I should consider seeing a shrink to pick my brain apart and decipher everything. I hate not knowing what set off my perennial blue mood…or could this be classified as depression already?

My grandparents came home from the States for a visit. My granddad's okay - I love him to bits. Now that I'm older, I understand why he was strict on me and my siblings. Now that I'm older, he's really loosened up but he never forgets to impart on me words of wisdom.

My grandmother, on the other hand, is definitely another story. Most people would castigate me for saying these words but I just hate her. To other people, she's probably the real live version of Brie from Desperate Housewives - she's good in everything she does. To me, she's the embodiment of the perfect monster. The queen of tackiness and tactlessness. Rated A nagger to the point that she won't stop 'til you do what she says. Devout Catholic to the point of being blinded by her faith dismissing people from other religions as second class citizens in the heirarchy of religion. She always has this air of superiority around her about the Roman Catholic religion being THE path to salvation.

I remember the huge hullabaloo we had in my parents house when they came home for a visit a couple of years ago. She imposed on everybody saying the rosary every night. I'm Wiccan and being such a headstrong individual, I adamantly refused to do her bidding as I felt it to be a violation of my belief system. She confronted me about it and I simply told her that I'm no longer Catholic. She asked me what religion I'm now into and told her "Buddhism." I didn't dare tell her the truth as I was afraid of her having a heart attack or something. My dad would've certainly killed me if that had happened. She responded by putting her hand above my head, closed her eyes and summoned the Holy Spirit to descend upon me so that I may be enlightened about putting myself in eternal damnation.

Don't get me wrong, I am not against rituals per se. In fact, I belive that rituals play a key role in helping you connect to the Divine, whatever you perceive him/her to be. What I am against is forcing on me rituals that are not part of my belief system. It feels as if I’m prostituting that particular religion because you go through the words and motions that doesn’t mean anything to me.

Good thing that I’ve already moved out of my parent’s place since last year. My mom obliged me to go home and say hi. I did but I went home so very late that they were already in bed. The next day, I left the house early but luckily I got to see my granddad. You can always rely on him to wake up at the crack of dawn. They’ll be here for 3 weeks and I’ll be damned sure that I keep my interaction with my grandmom to a minimum to prevent a possible flare-up.