Losing My Head Again - Part II

I was scourging through my files this afternoon when I came across this entry that I meant to post last March or April.

I was just so friggin’ tired a couple of weeks ago. If you could just imagine the predicament that I was in – I go to work followed by going to Deutsch Unterricht with Cathy. Every morning, I usually would have to try my hardest to muster up the energy to get to work at all, resulting in my being late – around 10ish or sometimes even later. Once the clock hits around 5, I would dash out of the office like mad and catch the MRT going to the Santolan-Annapolis Station and then walk a couple of blocks to Herr Ang’s flat. It isn’t really normal if we end our sessions before 10 pm L

I know it is a pretty detailed explanation and that is my excuse for not being able to continue the second half of my story. But anyway, to make the long story short – I ended up having a one-night stand with Military guy. He was interested in us seeing each other again but I wasn’t sure I wanted the same thing as him. There’s just way too many things in my head – issues that I anticipate would pop up if some type of a relationship would form. I won’t elaborate on what those are because I would be listing some of them below.

At the present time, Military guy is long gone. I just couldn’t make up my mind about going out with him and I ended up driving him away. I don’t know whether it’d be fortunately or unfortunately would be the word that I would have to add.

I have observed a nasty habit of mine if I am unsure of a guy – I do a 1-2 step. I don’t really mean to do that but again, it has a lot to do with my not being able to come to a final decision. One minute I’m thinking about the positive side of hooking up with the individual in question and I am agreeable to making plans with him. The next minute when doubt sets in about going out with someone, I just completely shut down and they automatically get the impression that I am pushing them away after I reel them in. It’s happened before with me and the Saudi Arabian diplomat (who also happens to be at least a decade my senior).

I remember that it was a Wednesday night and the girls and I agreed to meet up to get a Brazilian job done over at Blue Wave, Macapagal Avenue. Military guy and I were texting each other when I asked him about his age. He tells me that he is 42. Forty fucking what?!? I’m the type of person that knows nothing about approximating one’s age by how they look and what happened afterwards was completely the slip of the tongue. I was so stunned that I wrote exactly what was in my head – that he is only 10 years younger than my dad and even asked if he’s having a midlife crisis.

It was a very innocent mistake and no doubt about it, my friends castigated me for dropping the two unmentionable words to somebody who’s transitioning into his advanced stage. Ouch! I did apologize the next day via text (I was guessing at this point that he probably didn’t want to talk to me ever again for my titanic faux pas) and as expected, no response.

I’m not sure what’s going to happen if I would accidentally bump into him or his friends again. Sure he’s a great and an intelligent guy but I’m no fan of May-December affairs. There were too many thoughts in my head – like how people from his circle would perceive me hooking up with him: 1) somebody way older and 2) somebody who’s out of my league if you’re talking in socio-economic terms. Both options are not too good and I don’t want to put a big burden on myself having to prove to other people a lot of different things. I also consulted with a lot of friends about my little predicament and most, if not all, thought of the same thing.

Besides, I probably would have to live up to the shadow of his ex-wife. Ex-wife was a sexy actress in the movies during the 80’s and is the daughter of a matinee idol-turned-politician. She’s now married to an inactive politician (translation: he lost during one particular election period)/scion of a former First Lady.

I bumped into Ex-wife and her current family during a recent outing to Rockwell and boy, am I glad to being so out of it all! I could just imagine the huge drama that it will be since Military Guy still has huge gripes about Ex-wife.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks and my dating life was again a dud. JP, the computer programmer friend of my ex-co-worker Sheryl, got relegated to really horrible schedule on the call center that he works for. The last time I saw him was during our Valentine’s Day date. We barely kept in touch as our schedule didn’t really jibe – he was awake when I was sleeping and he was asleep when I was awake. Communication lines during the weekend wasn’t feasible either as his rest day kept on changing every week. There was even a time when he wasn’t even allowed to have a rest day for two weeks straight!

Cam played matchmaker and gave my contact details to a friend. She didn’t tell me much about the guy and was just surprised when he started sending me text messages sometime around March. His name is Eduardo, an easy-going 30-year-bachelor. Mind you, he doesn’t look he’s 30. He’s a fun guy to be with as he’s very much capable of a highly intellectual conversation unlike some other people that I know from my past.

Martin knows about all this and we’re cool. We’ve talked about it in detail and we’ve settled all issues.